he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
