she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
