; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
