Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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