It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
