Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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