don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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