You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
