And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
