Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
two words...techno handjob
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
