i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
