some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
