I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When are your genitals available?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
