I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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