worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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