Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
