Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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