i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
