im six kinds of drunk right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
