Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
