You work out of a Hotel?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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