where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
