Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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