Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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