Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
