i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
