i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
