i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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