I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you would pick up someone in the library
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
