I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
