I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
