She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
