We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
