dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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