Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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