So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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