the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
