Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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