I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
