My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
