I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
