This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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