i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
