i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
