i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
