two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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