The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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