1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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