I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
