Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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