you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
